Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
