We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
