I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
