Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
