My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
