I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
