I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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