RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
