onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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