Betty ford says i'm here all night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
