6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
