the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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