I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
