Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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