bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
