Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
