I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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