I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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