I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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