u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
