Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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