you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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