wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
