Life is so much better after having sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
