i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
