Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
