did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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