He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
