Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you would pick up someone in the library
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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