Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
