My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And then he peed in my hair
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