It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
