Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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