Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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