I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
