I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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