if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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