do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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