kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
