If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
