He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god it's open bar.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize