You can't motorboat a personality
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
