Please, let me fuck your mom
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
