I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
