Kiss
Puke
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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