so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
