I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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