drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.