I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised