dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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