new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't think brook has ever known best
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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