He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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