oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
