I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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