she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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