when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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