Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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