just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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