you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She bit a glass in half.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
