Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
