you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
