I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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