You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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