my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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