Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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