Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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