'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
