I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize