Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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