So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
