well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
