Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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