i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
