And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
