So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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