Swine flu. Run for my life!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
