am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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